Loyola/Leone Beach and Hartigan Beach (also including: Pratt, Columbia, and North Shore Beaches)

    Let’s jump right in. Hartigan Beach is fine. The sand is fine, the water is fine, the amount of people and lifeguards is fine. But people don’t take day trips to the beach for “fine.” People don’t use up their valuable personal days for “fine.” People don’t decide that Chicago is the most amazing city on the face of the Earth (which is obviously true) because it has a beach that is “fine.”

    To use some teacher vocabulary here, Hartigan Beach is a lost opportunity. It has everything going for it—close to the red line; steps away from Loyola University and its fun students; a nice size and with great views of some natural landscaping; but for whatever reason, Hartigan Beach never tips to really being a destination beach. Everything is just a bit too quiet, almost like its visitors are there out of obligation instead of relaxation.

    To its credit, Hartigan Beach has some nice shaded and grassy areas, and a lovely pier that leads out to an abandoned lighthouse. The pier’s view of the city is great, but judging by the abandoned artifacts we found there, it’s a popular place for people to come and drink the cheapest vodka they can find. Unless you’re an 18 year-old whose parents just don’t understand you, I’d avoid that pier after dark.

    One fun diversion at the beach that Katie and I stumbled upon, almost literally, is slacklining! (You may remember that guy with the crazy hair doing stunts during Madonna’s Super Bowl half-time show.) We each gave it a try and made it about 3 steps before tumbling off. Many thanks to the guys who let us randomly interrupt them to take pictures and try the slackline they had so painstakingly set up.

    From here, Katie and I walked north to Loyola Beach. On our way, a police SUV stopped us and asked what we were taking notes and pictures of. I only bring this up to warn those of you who are interested in the abandoned-lighthouse-and-cheap-vodka scene: you are being watched.

    The park that leads to Loyola Beach is nice. There is a lot of public art and huge open spaces which were mostly used to let dogs run around (watch where you step). Note to people with dogs: if your dog jumps on a complete stranger, please do not give the whole “oh puppy’s just saying hiiiii!” routine. Your dog is poorly behaved, and that is your fault. Some of us are highly allergic to your little poop-machines, and even if we aren’t, nobody really enjoys being mounted by a quadruped. At least not in public.

    Anyway, Loyola Beach. It’s good. Unlike Hartigan, it has bathrooms, but we’d still classify them as “emergency only” facilities. It also has a food stand, run by Rogers Park icon, the Heartland Café. We were initially turned off from this place because they did not have any “fake cheese” (and yes, that is exactly how Katie tried to order it). I think most readers would agree is that the best part of any concession stand is the excuse—no, opportunity—to indulge in some cheese product, but Loyola’s concession stand does not offer that. However, in addition to beach food staples (hot dogs and potato chips), they also offer some healthier options, like hummus and veggies, or fruit and yogurt plates. And the guy who was working there, Dave, is super-duper nice. He even suggested a better title for our blog: Hot Beaches. Darn.

    On paper, Loyola Beach has everything needed for a top rating, but in reality, there is something amiss. It’s just not as inviting or laid-back as a beach should be. The people on the sand were sitting on those tall lawn chairs, and it looked more like they were guarding territory than enjoying themselves. People don’t seem to go home from Loyola Beach feeling relaxed and rejuvenated, which to us is the whole point of taking a day at the shore.

   So there you have it, a fine beach and a good beach. Loyola’s worth the trip, but only if you’re tired of your local favorite beach. Hartigan…not so much. Do you have any other insights into these beaches? Any other messages you want to send to dog owners in public spaces? Any recommendations for great places to get fake cheese?

And if you just didn’t feel like reading the whole review, here is your rundown:

 

Hartigan Beach, 6600 N.

Parking: Difficult street parking, but close to  Loyola red line stop

Atmosphere: Subdued but friendly

Food/Restrooms: None

Overall Grade: B-

Loyola/Leone Beach: 7032 N.

Parking: Some metered parking available

Atmosphere: Uptight but nice

Food/Restrooms: Yes to both

Overall Grade: A-