Sun of the Beach: Calumet Park Beach

Anyone who has ever driven on the Skyway should be familiar with that desolate piece of land at the Illinois-Indiana border. While the area was once a booming industrial center, the industries have waned and what is left are some polluted factories, rarely travelled roads, and mountains of salt. It’s the closest thing I have ever seen to the Valley of Ashes in The Great Gatsby. There are no people, only machines. Even the drivers passing through become extensions of their cars. The sky is usually gray and cloudy and everybody accelerates a little faster so that Gary, Indiana fades in their rearview mirrors.

Sounds like an awesome spot for a beach, right? Yup, Calumet Park Beach is Chicago’s southernmost, about 20 feet away from the Indiana border and 30 feet away from the recently closed State Line Power Station, a coal-burning power plant that was one of Chicago’s biggest polluters. (Don’t worry, even though the factory’s closed, the pollution lingers.) I don’t know what’s worse—recreationally swimming that close to icky waters, or having a beach day in the shadow of an abandoned, ten-story facility. But at least when you’re that close to the building, you can appreciate to beautiful brickwork! (Sorry, just trying to be positive.)

To preface, Katie and I had a hard time evaluating Calumet. It’s not the beach’s fault that there is a ginormous factory looming over it. But that building severely handicaps this beach, and no matter how much the beach tries or how many amenities it might add, the fact is, it feels ew, gross. We were pleased to see the beach healthily populated, and appreciate that for many families, this is their home beach. Still, we have some concerns. In the water sits blue plastic tubing that creates an arch, with both ends of the arch landing on shore. According to a lifeguard, the city is doing an experiment to determine if the water inside the arch is any less polluted than the water outside of the arch. But as even the lifeguard pointed out, the experiment is somewhat pointless because there is no way the city can afford to partition off every beach, let alone this one, to insulate it from bacteria. And right now, all the arch seems to be doing is collecting and maintaining seaweed. (Fun fact: Calumet Park Beach was the most-often closed beach in former years due to bacteria, but now that that’s no longer a criterion for beach closings, you’ll never know the days when you’re basking in a bath of E.coli! But if you’re really curious, your intestines will let you know 3-4 days later.) Thankfully, there are on-site, indoor showers that can help rid your body of unwanted parasites and such, and even lockers available for you to store your stuff. We definitely give points to Calumet Park Beach for these considerations, but I dunno…I’ve heard about that crazy flesh-eating bacteria stuff and I would be just a little more comfortable swimming upshore from the factories. I’m hardly a germophobe; what for most people is the “5-second rule” is more like a suggestion to me. But come on people, let’s have standards.

One thing that helped our experience at this beach is that Katie and I constantly looked left. (Omg Derek Zoolander would haaaaaaate this beach.) To the left, a.k.a. North, the land bows out and there sits a white shingled Coast Guard Station, which gives a very Cape Cod feel. As long as you keep your direction that way, you can ignore the industry to the south. (I swear, every time I looked at the power station, it was a few feet closer than it had been just minutes before.)

Calumet Park Beach offers concessions operated by La Chaparrita Restaurant and Bar on South Kedzie, and so offers a good deal of authentic Mexican fare alongside the usual hot dogs. When we were there, there were 3 prep cooks washing lettuce and slicing vegetables, and although we weren’t hungry, it looks like this stand racks up quite a business. Also, parents beware: there are huge candy stands that make it really easy for kids to grab what they want and throw tantrums if you don’t buy it for them.

The park itself is lovely, and has winding roads through green spaces that bicyclists and joggers share with cars. We stopped in the Calumet Park Field House, an ornate structure dating to 1924 that feels a lot like a Catholic school on the inside. The Field House operates the typical camps and activities, and also has a Historical Museum that focuses on the southern and easternmost neighborhoods of Chicago. But it’s only open on Thursdays from 1pm-4pm, so you better time it right.

If it weren’t for its location, Calumet Park Beach would be fine. But its proximity to huge pollutants and eyesores is not something that can be overlooked. If you’re from the area, it is absolutely acceptable as a swimming area, as this is hardly the only beach with bacteria concerns (as my sister says, she’s ignored swimming bans so many times that she’s pretty sure her kids will come out with three eyes). But for anyone else, it’s not worth the trip; there are comparable parks elsewhere, and beaches that don’t require experiments to maintain cleanliness (or more accurately, the image of cleanliness). Calumet Park Beach, you tried, but ultimately, we cannot endorse you.